Oh WOW SO EXCITING! Pack Lady says, “Get in the car, Jack. Hup.”

What? I don’t like going in the hard place right at the back. I like going on the seats.

“No, not on the seat, your paws are all muddy.”

Oh. How unfair. Oh well, Pack Lady, if you say so.

Hup. Jump up, sniff around. Crisp packet... yum, slurp. Nice mature half-Mars bar, chomp. One of Pete’s soft paw-coverings... ahhhh SMELL, so fragrant and lovely, full of Pete’s running around smell, and hard paw-covering smell and mud... Ahhhh.

“Oh God, Jack. Do you have to suck Pete’s football sock?” says Pack Lady. Her body says, Yuck!

Why? What’s wrong? This is a very delicious treasure. Would you like a smell, Pack Lady, smell how strong and healthy your boy-puppy is? Oh.

Pack Lady gets in the front of the car where the round thing is and all the sticks-stuck-to-the-floor. Vrooom. VROOOOM.

She forgot to put the little fence up. Hop over the back seat to where it’s comfy, lie down. Oh yum, here is half a pasty from yesterday... slurp, snortle, gulp. Yum.

“Jack! You bad dog!”

Sorry, Pack Lady. What did I do? Don’t you want me to be comfy? Snore. Go to sleep.

Here we are. Pack Lady opens the door, grabs my collar, puts my lead on.

OH GREAT! WALKIES! ARE WE GOING WALKIES NEAR THE VERY BIG FUNNY-TASTING WET THAT GOES WOOSH WOOSH?

Oh. This is new. We are going to a gate. I know this gate. This is where I sometimes help Packleader or Pack Lady fetch the ape-puppies from the running-around-and-shouting place. But there are no ape-puppies in the big hard garden. In we go.

Where are all the ape-puppies running around and shouting? Where are all the footballs and the push-along things for very small ape-puppies? Where are all the other Pack Ladies and Packleaders? Very very strange.

Here is a door and a notmypack Pack Lady. Hi! How are you? How nice to see you? Can I smell your...

“Stoppit, Jack!” says Pack Lady. “You be polite to Pete’s teacher!” Her body says, oh dear.

Sniff snortle, ah yes, this is Fido III’s Pack Lady. Hi there, Fido III’s Pack Lady, how lovely to meet you, respect, respect.

“It’s all right.” says the notmypack teacher. “I expect he can smell my dog. You’re very beautiful, aren’t you?”

Pat pat. Oh lovely. I like you, you can pat my tummy, there, paws-up. Oh oh oh, more patting.... Ohhhh.

“You’re soppy, aren’t you? Now come and see the children.”

Up we get. OH WOW! SO EXCITING. LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF APE-PUPPIES, ALL THE SAME AGE AS PETE. AND....

OH WOW. GREAT! IT’S PETE, HE’S MY PACKMEMBER, HE’S PATTING ME AND DOING APEDOG FRIENDLY-FACE AND SAYING “JACK!” THIS IS SO LOVELY. RESPECT, PETE, YOU CAN PAT MY TUMMY.

Oh oh oh, wow, everyone patting my tummy, everyone patting. Ohhhhh.

Gosh, they’re all very close, it’s a bit crowded. Maybe too many friends. Oh dear, pant pant, this is a bit scary.

“Don’t crowd him.”

Ooops, maybe too many, they might get fierce with me or something, they are all yipping at once, quite high up, oh dear oh dear, VERY scary....

Hide behind my Pack Lady. There. That’s better.

Fido III’s teacher Pack Lady is getting fierce with the ape-puppies now. She barks:

“Now you’ve frightened him because you crowded him. Everyone sit down and then Jack will come to your tables one at a time and you can pat him and say hello. Pete, you go with Jack so he knows it’s OK.”

This is nice. Hello notmypack ape-puppies. Sniff smell... Ah, you are from George’s Pack. Hello more ape-puppies. You have some of those funny-looking dogs with hidden claws*.

[*We are afraid that one of them is the orange-and-white enemy tomcat whom we will kill just as soon as we can work out how. signed, The Cats.]

Hello ape-puppy. What’s that in your pocket. Sniff... Oh WOW GREAT! A choccy bar. Never mind the silver paper. Slurp chomp.

Oh dear, Pack Lady is cross.

Never mind. The ape-puppy says it is OK, he strokes me lots. I go paws-up, say thank you for FEEDING THE DOG.

Any more?