HAPPY HAPPY MORNING TIME. Soon food. My tummy is very hungry. ooooo so hungry. Goes glub glub.

Here comes the Friend who puts paper through the hole in the door. Hi there friend, ARF ARF how nice to smell your friendly smell... Oh dear, I can smell he is scared. What is he scared of?

[Cats: He’s scared the Big Stupid will slobber on him. Naturally.]

Flapp flop flop clatter flop.... push, puff puff.... flop. Run run run. Friend with Paper has run away now, jumps over the gate. Poor Friend with Paper, so scared of Cats.

Oh WOW WOW WOW! A present! A big hard paper thing. It has got CHOCCCYYY inside, I can smell it. Yum.

It is sort of a bit round like a food dish. It has got apedog snail-trail scratchings on it. BUT INSIDE IS CHOCCY. Oh drooolll.

Paper is like sticks - it smells of wood and poisons and glue and stuff, you can chew it and tear it and it makes a good nest. My nest has dirty paper in it to be comfy and smelling nice. Generally it is bad dog very bad to chew up paper when it comes in the door.

BUT THERE IS CHOCCY INSIDE. Oh DRROOOOL.

Oh dear. What shall I do? Very hungry tummy. Very delicious choccy inside the hard paper roundish thing.

Pad pad. Sniff upstairs. The beeper hasn’t happened yet. Packleader and Pack Lady smell quiet and soft and cuddly.

Terri is still fast asleep. Pete and Mikey are just starting to wake up.

Nobody will know. SMELL THE CHOCCY.

SLURP CRACKLE TEAR SNIFF....SLURP WUFFLE... SLURP SLURP YUM YUM YUM.... THIS IS GOOD CHOCCY.... SLURP...CHOMP....

Erp.

I will use the bits of paper left over for my nest. There. That’s nice. A lovely choccy smell to add to the deliciousness of my nest.

BEEEP BEEEP BEEEP BEEP

Thunder, crash.

OH WOW! HOW EXCITING! HOW UNUSUAL! Here is Terri coming downstairs fast.

Hi there, Terri, hi there, how lovely to smell your friendly smell, ERRO ERRO, can I smell your....

Sorry.

She is looking in the bits of paper by the door. ERRO Terri, can I help? Oh lovely friendly push and Terri’s morning bark “Geroff you stupidog!”

I love you too, Terri.

Oh dear. Terri is sad. She is going upstairs sadly. Why are you sad, Terri? OH NO! She is doing ape-howly thing, making water in her eyes.

Pack Lady is not nice in the morning. She shouts, “What on earth is wrong with you, Terri?

Pete and Mikey have come running down too. Everything is all strange this morning.

Pete says “Hey, Mum, there’s a mysterious valentine for you and a mysterious valentine for Dad.”

Here comes Pack Lady, Good morning, ERRO ERRO! welcome, much respect, oh great Pack Lady, can I smell your....

“Geroff, you stupidog!”

Sorry.

She tears one paper, there is more hard paper in it, she looks and she goes hot-in-the-face and laughs.

She says “Well, I wonder who sent that.”

I know who sent it, says her body, it was my Packleader. She goes upstairs with more paper, still laughing, but she won’t let Pete and Mikey see it. What is “rude”?

Terri is sad. She won’t eat breakfast. She can’t go to school. She sent a Valentine to a boy but he didn’t send one back. This is TERRIBLE. IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD, SHE’LL DIE, SHE CAN NEVER FACE THEM EVER AGAIN....

My tummy is feeling a bit funny. Maybe I didn’t skin the choccy properly. Better unswallow it.

“Mu-u-um! Jack’s done a sick!”

“Oh God. Let me... Hang on. What’s that? Looks like a plastic heart-shaped... Terri, come and look at this.”

Pack Lady digs in my nest. It’s OK, Pack Lady, I understand that you like the lovely mature smells in my nest, of course you can have some of my papers....

“Terri, I think Jack may have got at your mail...”

Oh dear. Terri is kicking me, she is SCARY MAD. She is yelling “Bad Dog! You ate my valentine! BAD STUPIDOG!”

What did I do?